Doomsday with alwaysherhero

[chloesullivan]

Chloe is typing furiously, radar and satellite images flashing in the screen in front of her as she tries to find something, anything that tells her that maybe Clark made it out of it, that he made it through his battle against Doomsday alive.

After Jimmy's funeral, she came back to the place she had already been calling the Watchtower, the place Jimmy had gotten her, the place that would allow her to look over Metropolis and help protect it. But Metropolis doesn't stand a chance without it's savior, she and the others can't fight Doomsday without him, if Clark is-- No. She can't think about it, she needs to focus.

Focus on finding Clark, focus on making sure he's okay, focus on making sure Jimmy's death wasn't in vain. Just focus.

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[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

His eyes move back to her face, a solemn look on his own. "I had too much faith in Davis. Long before you ever did, Chloe. Thought there was something good inside of him... but there wasn't. Davis Bloome was a monster, without that beast even being inside of him. I knew that. Deep down, I think I knew that. And still, I... I wouldn't do what I had to do. What I should have done." He shook his head. "And... Jimmy only brought you here because I asked him to, Chloe. Jimmy died because of me."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

"Because I stopped you!" Her voice is louder than she means for it to be, her hands are shaking with anger. She is not letting Clark do this, not this time.

"You were willing to imprison him at the Phantom Zone and I didn't let you and this is what happened! All those people died because of ME. Lois is missing, Jimmy died because of me, because I thought I was making the right decision, when I was endangering all those lives. And you don't get to blame yourself for it, Clark. Not when you tried to do the right thing, not when you risked your own life to save the world from Doomsday, while all I did was stand here and watch Jimmy die."

The tears are streaming down her face freely now, the anger and guilt making her body tense.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He shakes his head, remaining firm. "You're wrong, Chloe. You're wrong. Jimmy Olsen is dead because of me, not you. I did this, you didn't. Your husband, the man you love, died, and it's all my fault. And nothing you say or do can change that." There's unshed tears in his eyes for his would-be friend, and for her. "I might as well have killed him myself, Chloe." His words are harsh, but true. Jimmy was dead because of him, and in more ways than one. Clark had loved his wife, and a part of him had wanted to take her from him. So, instead, Jimmy's life had been taken away. A cruel exchange, but Clark figured he deserved the guilt.

"I killed Jimmy..."

His words are whispered, like a realization on his part.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe watches him in disbelief, his words should hurt, but they don't. They don't because what he is saying isn't true. It isn't true and it angers her that he is hurting himself with this blame, when the blame is all hers.

"You're not the reason Jimmy got involved the in the first place, I am! I should have told him to stay away, should have told him to be safe! I should have believed him when he said Davis was a monster! He knew it before all of us and I didn't listen to him! And then I chose to protect Davis, Clark! When you, Oliver, Jimmy, everyone, everyone I should be trusting instead warned me against it!" She's yelling now, her voice is shaky, angry, her words are sharp. She knows all she's saying is true. There is no one to blame but herself.

Now she needs to make Clark understand this.

"I. Killed. Jimmy. I will not let you blame yourself, hurt yourself over this when it's my fault, do you understand? So don't stand there and take the blame, don't shoulder everything like you always do. Do what is right and blame me!"

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He's suddenly right in her face, looking angry and hurt all at once, and his guilt is still heavy in his eyes. "No, Chloe. I will never blame you, because you weren't protecting Davis. You were protecting ME. You said so yourself." He shakes his head, his tears threatening to spill over. "And... you didn't come here at random, Chloe. I told Jimmy to bring you here. If I hadn't done that..." He takes a deep breath, and looks down.

Silence.

For several seconds, he's silent.

Then, finally, when he looks at her again, one hand raises, gently touching her cheek.

"I will never blame you for this, Chloe. Ever." His voice is a mere whisper, his face filled with honesty, sincerity. "You are the most kind, most wonderful human being I've ever known. You are the only human I still trust, still believe in... still love." He can't believe he actually said the word, but he did.

His head lowers again, this time, his hand going with it. "And my faith in humanity... " He shakes his head again.

It's dwindling. It's fading.

Every human he's ever believed in has either turned evil, died, or abandoned him.

All but Chloe.

And Chloe?

Is the one he's hurt the most.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

He doesn't understand, he doesn't get it. She wants to tell him he is wrong, tell him he isn't listening to her, that he doesn't know what happened. But his words and his eyes make her stop.

Chloe watches him in silence for a long time, his kind words to her almost going unnoticed, she doesn't feel like she deserves them right now. But Clark called her human, referred to humanity as if he wasn't a part of it.

She's searching his eyes for a moment, her chest tight, "What are you talking about?" she asks almost in a whisper.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He turns, swallowing hard. He can't look at her. Especially not while he's saying this.

"Chloe... the man you knew... he's gone. Clark Kent is dead." He looks down at the smeared stain of blood on the hard floor. "He died with James Olsen, because when he died... it hurt you. An innocent man died, and you... you got hurt in the process. Both of those things... I made them happen." He finally looks back at her. "I'd rather have died than let you get hurt, Chloe." His voice is shaking, his emotion on full display, even if he doesn't want it to be. "You're the one person in this entire world who... you're the only human in this entire world that even deserves..." He can't even find the right words, it seems. But he continues to try. "Out of every human on this planet, you're the only one who means anything to me now. You're the only one who even deserves it... and I... caused this. I caused this all to happen, and I... you're suffering now, because of me."

He sniffles, unable to fight his tears any longer. "Don't you see, Chloe? You're... you're better off without me. I've ruined your entire life. You'd be so much happier if you'd never even met me."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe is still, watching him without blinking, the tears streaming down her face again, she is trying to to hold on to denial, to pretend Clark never said those words, but she can't.

"What are you saying?" her shoulders are hunched, her chest is so tight, it hurts, "what are you saying, Clark?" she repeats. Chloe wants to walk towards him, touch him, but she can't move.

"I need you, Clark. I have already lost too much, I can't- I can't lose you too."

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He swallows hard, fighting himself every second. He wants nothing more than to take her into his arms, and kiss her tears away, but he can't do that. He knows what's for the best, or, at least, what he thinks is for the best.

"I'm saying... Clark Kent is gone, Chloe. All that exists now... is Kal-El. And maybe it's time for me, Kal-El, the last survivor of Krypton, to fulfill my destiny." He tries to hide his emotions now, as he says the words that are making his heart ache. "And that... is something I have to do alone, Chloe."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

It hurts, it hurts her physically. All of his words, the combination of them, the meaning. She feels her heart tight in her chest as she looks him in the eyes and watches as he tries to mask everything she knows he's feeling.

She can't think, her brain can't take this too, not on top of everything else she has been trying to block out all day, "No." her voice is firm, she has no idea how she managed it, "No, Clark. You can't do this. You can't..." she can't finish her sentence, she can't say the words because that would cause her to have to deal with them and with what they mean, and she can't right now. Instead, she just shakes her head and stares at him.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He's still trying to fight himself, to hide himself. And what more, he's trying to disconnect himself, his emotions. It's hard to do.

But he knows this is for the best. There's no need in lingering around, making it hurt any more for both of them. He doesn't want to hurt her anymore. He has to leave... maybe right now, even.

"I can... And I will." He forces the words out, even though he hates himself for it.

He moves closer, gently taking her face into his hands. He stares down at her for a long moment, swallowing hard again, and then lowers his lips to her forehead. A single soft, sweet kiss. His final goodbye, not at all dissimilar to the one he gave her when he asked Jor-El to take away her memories of him.

"Always remember that I..." he starts, then trails off. He shakes his head. No. He can't say that. He can't tell her that he loves her.

Instead, he clears his throat, and takes a step back, his eyes on hers again, his sorrow mirroring hers.

She can never know. He tells himself. She's better off without me in her life to ruin things.