Doomsday with alwaysherhero

[chloesullivan]

Chloe is typing furiously, radar and satellite images flashing in the screen in front of her as she tries to find something, anything that tells her that maybe Clark made it out of it, that he made it through his battle against Doomsday alive.

After Jimmy's funeral, she came back to the place she had already been calling the Watchtower, the place Jimmy had gotten her, the place that would allow her to look over Metropolis and help protect it. But Metropolis doesn't stand a chance without it's savior, she and the others can't fight Doomsday without him, if Clark is-- No. She can't think about it, she needs to focus.

Focus on finding Clark, focus on making sure he's okay, focus on making sure Jimmy's death wasn't in vain. Just focus.

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[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

Clark paused in the doorway, a little unsteady and unsure about what he was doing. He was still in a bit of a daze. The guilt outweighed him, built up in and on his chest.

Jimmy was dead.

Jimmy was dead, and it was all his fault.

He'd had too much in the human side of Davis Bloome, had believed he could be a good man, was a good man. He'd believed it almost more than Chloe had.

And more than that, Clark wondered if Jimmy was dead for other reasons, deeper reasons. He'd been coveting the photographer's wife for months now, and he honestly wondered if his longing for Chloe, what some mind find a cardinal sin, was part of the reason why Jimmy was dead.

Sure, his logic was a tad bit twisted, but with everything piling down on him, he couldn't seem to help it.

He finally forces himself to walk into the room, his footsteps slow and heavy.

He stops, seeing the huge, dark stain on the concrete floor. Blood. Jimmy's blood. The blood of his best friend's ex-husband, the man who had unknowingly stood between Clark and the woman he longed for, loved. The man who could have easily been his friend, if only he had tried harder. The man who had died the hero Clark suddenly felt he could never be.

He stared, swallowing hard.

He was dead.

Jimmy was dead, and it was all his fault.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe stills when she hears the noise, looking towards the top of the stairs for a second before pushing her chair back and standing up quickly. She walks towards the stares and looks down, a wave of relief washes through her immediately and starts running down the stairs.

"Clark!" she cries out during some point, she's not sure when, her head is spinning and the next thing she knows, she throws herself against him, her arms wrapping around him tightly.

He's there, he's okay, he's alive.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

His head jerks up as he hears her voice, and his eyes fall on her almost instantly. It makes his heart ache, but he has to admit, that despite her grief, despite the stain of tears on her pale cheeks, she's still breathtakingly beautiful.

He finds himself gulping, almost inexplicably, as he glances down again, at the spot where Henry James Olsen died.

He barely notices as she flies down the steps, and directly at him, right into his arms. She clings to him, and slowly, his arms move upward, wrapping around her tightly.

For quite a while, he just stands there, holding her, doing the very little he can to comfort her. Something tells him, though, that he's not much comfort.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

It is the best she has felt in days, weeks even. She keeps hugging him tightly, clinging to him, her face eventually turns into his shoulder, a couple more tears rolling down her eyes, this time with relief and she doesn't want to move.

She does, eventually, reluctantly, to look up at him.

"You're okay," she says quietly, a quick smile as she watches his face for a moment before she lets go of him, "What happened?" She doesn't really care, doesn't really want to know or talk about it right now, all she cares about is that he's okay.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He finds himself clinging back, despite his best efforts not to.

He exhales quietly as she pulls back and looks at him. "Okay? I'm not... okay, Chloe." He looks down. "I'm alive... I guess. I... the explosion. I survived it. It blew Doomsday downward, blew me upward. I was able to get out of there."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe wipes her face, her stomach dropping when he tells her he is not okay, her eyes widening as she looks him up and down, shaking her head, "You're not okay? Are you hurt? Did he do something to you before the explosion?"

She's frantic, the distress is clear on her voice. Chloe doesn't normally break down easily, she's normally everyone's rock, but she doesn't think she can take much more, she's done enough damage with her mistakes, her one goal was to protect Clark and now, she might not even have succeeded in that.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He shook his head, turning away from her. She didn't understand.

"No, Chloe... He didn't... It didn't hurt me." He exhaled. "Chloe, an innocent man is dead... and it's all my fault. No, I'm not okay."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

It feels like a stab, the sharp pain in her chest when Clark mentions it. She has been trying to avoid thinking of Jimmy, thinking of what she brought upon him.

She wants to speak but she needs a moment in silence first, her eyes blurry with tears again as she watches the bloody stain on the floor, "I wanted to save Davis, Clark, I brought him and Jimmy here, if I hadn't stopped you, if I hadn't-" she has to stop, wiping her tears angrily from her face as she shakes her head, her jaw tight.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

His eyes move back to her face, a solemn look on his own. "I had too much faith in Davis. Long before you ever did, Chloe. Thought there was something good inside of him... but there wasn't. Davis Bloome was a monster, without that beast even being inside of him. I knew that. Deep down, I think I knew that. And still, I... I wouldn't do what I had to do. What I should have done." He shook his head. "And... Jimmy only brought you here because I asked him to, Chloe. Jimmy died because of me."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

"Because I stopped you!" Her voice is louder than she means for it to be, her hands are shaking with anger. She is not letting Clark do this, not this time.

"You were willing to imprison him at the Phantom Zone and I didn't let you and this is what happened! All those people died because of ME. Lois is missing, Jimmy died because of me, because I thought I was making the right decision, when I was endangering all those lives. And you don't get to blame yourself for it, Clark. Not when you tried to do the right thing, not when you risked your own life to save the world from Doomsday, while all I did was stand here and watch Jimmy die."

The tears are streaming down her face freely now, the anger and guilt making her body tense.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He shakes his head, remaining firm. "You're wrong, Chloe. You're wrong. Jimmy Olsen is dead because of me, not you. I did this, you didn't. Your husband, the man you love, died, and it's all my fault. And nothing you say or do can change that." There's unshed tears in his eyes for his would-be friend, and for her. "I might as well have killed him myself, Chloe." His words are harsh, but true. Jimmy was dead because of him, and in more ways than one. Clark had loved his wife, and a part of him had wanted to take her from him. So, instead, Jimmy's life had been taken away. A cruel exchange, but Clark figured he deserved the guilt.

"I killed Jimmy..."

His words are whispered, like a realization on his part.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe watches him in disbelief, his words should hurt, but they don't. They don't because what he is saying isn't true. It isn't true and it angers her that he is hurting himself with this blame, when the blame is all hers.

"You're not the reason Jimmy got involved the in the first place, I am! I should have told him to stay away, should have told him to be safe! I should have believed him when he said Davis was a monster! He knew it before all of us and I didn't listen to him! And then I chose to protect Davis, Clark! When you, Oliver, Jimmy, everyone, everyone I should be trusting instead warned me against it!" She's yelling now, her voice is shaky, angry, her words are sharp. She knows all she's saying is true. There is no one to blame but herself.

Now she needs to make Clark understand this.

"I. Killed. Jimmy. I will not let you blame yourself, hurt yourself over this when it's my fault, do you understand? So don't stand there and take the blame, don't shoulder everything like you always do. Do what is right and blame me!"

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He's suddenly right in her face, looking angry and hurt all at once, and his guilt is still heavy in his eyes. "No, Chloe. I will never blame you, because you weren't protecting Davis. You were protecting ME. You said so yourself." He shakes his head, his tears threatening to spill over. "And... you didn't come here at random, Chloe. I told Jimmy to bring you here. If I hadn't done that..." He takes a deep breath, and looks down.

Silence.

For several seconds, he's silent.

Then, finally, when he looks at her again, one hand raises, gently touching her cheek.

"I will never blame you for this, Chloe. Ever." His voice is a mere whisper, his face filled with honesty, sincerity. "You are the most kind, most wonderful human being I've ever known. You are the only human I still trust, still believe in... still love." He can't believe he actually said the word, but he did.

His head lowers again, this time, his hand going with it. "And my faith in humanity... " He shakes his head again.

It's dwindling. It's fading.

Every human he's ever believed in has either turned evil, died, or abandoned him.

All but Chloe.

And Chloe?

Is the one he's hurt the most.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

He doesn't understand, he doesn't get it. She wants to tell him he is wrong, tell him he isn't listening to her, that he doesn't know what happened. But his words and his eyes make her stop.

Chloe watches him in silence for a long time, his kind words to her almost going unnoticed, she doesn't feel like she deserves them right now. But Clark called her human, referred to humanity as if he wasn't a part of it.

She's searching his eyes for a moment, her chest tight, "What are you talking about?" she asks almost in a whisper.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He turns, swallowing hard. He can't look at her. Especially not while he's saying this.

"Chloe... the man you knew... he's gone. Clark Kent is dead." He looks down at the smeared stain of blood on the hard floor. "He died with James Olsen, because when he died... it hurt you. An innocent man died, and you... you got hurt in the process. Both of those things... I made them happen." He finally looks back at her. "I'd rather have died than let you get hurt, Chloe." His voice is shaking, his emotion on full display, even if he doesn't want it to be. "You're the one person in this entire world who... you're the only human in this entire world that even deserves..." He can't even find the right words, it seems. But he continues to try. "Out of every human on this planet, you're the only one who means anything to me now. You're the only one who even deserves it... and I... caused this. I caused this all to happen, and I... you're suffering now, because of me."

He sniffles, unable to fight his tears any longer. "Don't you see, Chloe? You're... you're better off without me. I've ruined your entire life. You'd be so much happier if you'd never even met me."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Chloe is still, watching him without blinking, the tears streaming down her face again, she is trying to to hold on to denial, to pretend Clark never said those words, but she can't.

"What are you saying?" her shoulders are hunched, her chest is so tight, it hurts, "what are you saying, Clark?" she repeats. Chloe wants to walk towards him, touch him, but she can't move.

"I need you, Clark. I have already lost too much, I can't- I can't lose you too."

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He swallows hard, fighting himself every second. He wants nothing more than to take her into his arms, and kiss her tears away, but he can't do that. He knows what's for the best, or, at least, what he thinks is for the best.

"I'm saying... Clark Kent is gone, Chloe. All that exists now... is Kal-El. And maybe it's time for me, Kal-El, the last survivor of Krypton, to fulfill my destiny." He tries to hide his emotions now, as he says the words that are making his heart ache. "And that... is something I have to do alone, Chloe."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

It hurts, it hurts her physically. All of his words, the combination of them, the meaning. She feels her heart tight in her chest as she looks him in the eyes and watches as he tries to mask everything she knows he's feeling.

She can't think, her brain can't take this too, not on top of everything else she has been trying to block out all day, "No." her voice is firm, she has no idea how she managed it, "No, Clark. You can't do this. You can't..." she can't finish her sentence, she can't say the words because that would cause her to have to deal with them and with what they mean, and she can't right now. Instead, she just shakes her head and stares at him.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He's still trying to fight himself, to hide himself. And what more, he's trying to disconnect himself, his emotions. It's hard to do.

But he knows this is for the best. There's no need in lingering around, making it hurt any more for both of them. He doesn't want to hurt her anymore. He has to leave... maybe right now, even.

"I can... And I will." He forces the words out, even though he hates himself for it.

He moves closer, gently taking her face into his hands. He stares down at her for a long moment, swallowing hard again, and then lowers his lips to her forehead. A single soft, sweet kiss. His final goodbye, not at all dissimilar to the one he gave her when he asked Jor-El to take away her memories of him.

"Always remember that I..." he starts, then trails off. He shakes his head. No. He can't say that. He can't tell her that he loves her.

Instead, he clears his throat, and takes a step back, his eyes on hers again, his sorrow mirroring hers.

She can never know. He tells himself. She's better off without me in her life to ruin things.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

When he steps close to her, her hands automatically go up to his arms, hands gripping the sleeves of his coat. Even if she's trying to block it out, instinctively she knows what he's doing, knows what he is saying.

But when he steps back, she doesn't have the strength to hold on, she barely has the strength to stand anymore. So she just watches his face, looks him in the eyes, her own pleading as she shakes her head again. The gesture is small but she knows he's seen it, Clark always sees everything.

[alwaysherhero.livejournal.com]

He does see it, and it makes his heart ache. It probably shows all too clearly in his face, despite his best efforts.

He exhales, slowly, and then says the two words he's been dreading, that he knows will break her heart, as well as his, one last time.

"Goodbye, Chloe."

He turns away from her, head down, eyes lowered, unable to look at her anymore, afraid he might have a moment of weakness.

And then he walks away, leaving behind the woman he loves more than anything. He's gone, just as if he was never there.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

His words feel like a sharp knife, all she can do is watch. She wants to stop him, to call out for him, but she can't.

Chloe just stands there, watching him through blurry eyes, tears running down her cheeks as she wraps her arms around herself, a quiet sob escaping her lips, her body shaking as she starts to cry harder.

She is completely alone.