Emotional times with tokeephersafe.

[chloesullivan]

It has been three weeks. Three weeks since Jimmy was murdered, three weeks since Clark left. Chloe has been keeping herself busy, researching and doing as much Watchtower work as she can until her body can't take it anymore and she passes out in her chair.

She never told Oliver and the others that Clark came to see her, she couldn't bring herself to. She didn't say much at all to them since. And they didn't ask. She has still been in contact with Oliver so she can send send him information and material for their missions, however.

And that's how she made it to Star City in just a few hours. Oliver let her borrow one of his planes, she knew he wouldn't mind giving her a couple of days off; In fact, he almost sounded surprised when she asked. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that she made it and as soon as she makes it to Moira's floor a nurse greets her with a warm smile, "She's awake."

The woman gets a nod and the hint of a smile from Chloe, "Thank you." She says as she walks towards the room, opening the door slowly and looking since, "Mom?"

Comments

[tokeephersafe.livejournal.com]

Moira moves back into her seat, which is close to where her daughter is now sitting.

She lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "Oh, I'm fine, honey. I'm just worried about you. " She tilts her head, studying Chloe's face. "Do you feel like telling me what's going on? I'm... I'm so sorry... about... Jimmy, was it?" She feels terrible for not even knowing her own son-in-law's name, even worse that she doesn't even know what he looked like.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

At the mention of Jimmy's name, Chloe's entire body stills. She has been in her own world all this time, no one asks her questions, no one reminds her, no one says his name. She has to keep her eyes on her lap for a moment and then she nods, "Jimmy."

The word feels heavy in her throat, the guilt weighing her shoulder and she still can't meet her mother's eyes, "I would rather not get into details, if you don't mind."

[tokeephersafe.livejournal.com]

She frowns a bit at Chloe's words, and notices her reaction. She may not exactly be entirely with it all the time, but she knows when something's wrong. There's a lot more going on than what her little girl is telling her.

Moira leans forward in her spot, one hand reaching out to gently touch her daughter's cheek. "Are you sure, sweetheart? You know you can tell me anything."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

A soft sigh escapes her at the touch but she nods again, she glances at her mother's hand and then back at her face. There is no need for Chloe to tell her and to break down in front of her, there is no telling how long she will be awake and whether Chloe will have time to reassure her she's okay, even if it may not be entirely true.

"I know." She answers before she even knew what she was doing, "but I don't think I'm ready to talk about it." she says as she does her best to keep her voice firm.

[tokeephersafe.livejournal.com]

Her hand lowers to Chloe's, and a sad expression fills her features. "Alright, sweetheart. I hope that I can be here for you when you are ready."

She glances toward the door, and then back again. She gives her daughter a small smile. "Did Clark come with you?"

When she's awake, she often thinks of the seemingly soft-spoken farmboy. He seems to truly care about her daughter, and for that, Moira loves him. In all honesty, she expects him to be by Chloe's side, just as she feels he probably always is.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

"No." Chloe's voice is a little firmer than she means for it to sound, a little angrier than she would have liked to let on, "Clark is away." She says simply, not offering explanation.

She hates to do this, to give her mother, of all people, half answers, but she can't talk about it, she can't start it when she doesn't know if she will be alone to deal with the consequences of letting herself feel everything she has been trying to keep away.

[tokeephersafe.livejournal.com]

She frowns a bit deeper at the words. "Away?" she says, in a soft, low voice. "What do you mean, 'away', sweetheart? I... I don't understand. He promised me he'd always take care of you... where has he gone?"

The hurt in her expression is clear. Her daughter is hurting so badly, and there's nothing she can say or do to help her, or ease her, because she doesn't know what's going on.

Without thinking, a direct command comes from her lips, and momentarily, she forgets the very reason why she's kept herself away all these years.

"Chloe, sweetheart, please... just tell me. Let it all go."

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

At her words, Chloe's eyes widen slowly, she tightens her jaw, but she can't hold it in anymore, her hands start shaking with anger and the tears finally roll down her cheek and within seconds, a quiet sob escaping her lips.

"He left," her voice is quiet but angry, "he left me when I needed him most, he left the day of Jimmy's funeral, and he had the nerve to tell me that Jimmy died because of him." Chloe is sobbing now, still unable to get up as she had been told to sit down, she shifts on the bet restlessly, "I killed Jimmy, it's my fault he is dead, because everyone I get close to ends up leaving one way or another, because I always make all the wrong choices."

She sobs breathlessly, feeling like her chest is about to burst as she tries to let out everything she's been holding on for a month, all the pain and anger she forced herself to keep inside is now trying to come out at once and it feels like its burning her alive.

[tokeephersafe.livejournal.com]

At her daughter's emotional explosion, Moira's face falls. Only then, does she realize what she's done. She's done it again. Tears fill her eyes when she recognizes the ache in her little girl's face, the anger in her voice.

"Oh, Chloe, sweetheart..." She runs her hand over the younger woman's hair. "It's not your fault, sweetheart... if anything, it's mine. I... I started a cycle. I left you... I left my little cub reporter behind... that was no choice of yours. It was... was... m-mine."

She can feel herself fading, trying to slip back into that level of unconsciousness. She's fighting it, so hard, but the truth is evident in her words, her speech. She's shutting down again.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

Even though she is shaking, even though her chest is burning, she does notice the changes in Moira. Chloe's eyes widen, "No, mom," She sobs quietly, her arms going around her as well as she can, "mom, please, please don't leave me again, I need you, I need you to stay with me, I don't have anyone else... please." She can't talk anymore, her sobs leaving her breathless as she clings to her mom as well as she can without getting up.

[tokeephersafe.livejournal.com]

"You... you will have Clark... again. He... he loves you, Chloe. He'll... c-come back to you. You need... need each o-other."A shaky breath exits the older woman's lips. "You... you don't need... m-me, Chloe. Some... times, I wonder if you ever... did..."

The last word spills from her lips, and then, she's gone again, staring blankly in front of her, oblivious to the world around her.

[chloeas.livejournal.com]

As soon as Moira is in her coma state again, the effect of her commands end and Chloe can get up again, she leans forward, wrapping her arms tightly around the woman, still crying, "I do need you," she says quietly, sobbing as a result of letting things out earlier, "I'm so sorry, mom," her hands are still shaking, her chest is still tight, but it doesn't feel like it's burning anymore, she doesn't feel the need to let all her feelings out at once.

Before she leaves, she will write Moira a letter, telling her everything that happened, everything that she can say in a letter that anyone could see, anyway, so next time Moira wakes up, she will know about Jimmy, she should know about him.